Twin Pines Desktop Leaks onto Internet

If you love as yet unfilmed sitcoms then this is the desktop for you.

Situational, comic, and reproduced in it’s original hi-res 3440×1440 pixel glory, this delightful screensaver is something you’re going to want to look at behind spreadsheets for years to come.

Fogg around the clock

xx

Twin pines wallpaper 2

Posted in News

Episode VI: A New Hope

Say you propose to a girl and she refuses, d’you know the best way to get over it? Well let me tell you…Nor do I.

So far ideas that have failed include:

1: Excessive Crying (and by excessive I mean twice because I am pure tough-nutz)

2: Having a ton of sex (again tough-nutz)

3: Getting reconstructive surgery to look like exactly her new boyfriend (I started out as a plucky Nepalese mineral salesman…see below for details).

So now I’m coming to terms with the idea of finding someone new, (because I’m sure as shit not going back to selling low grade quartz on the streets of Lhasa.)

But here’s the thing, I’ll never care about a new girl like I cared about her. I asked Celine to marry me because we’d been friends for 15 years…she knew the real me…which is why we’re not married.

She’s not stupid…which is also why we’re not married. Basically all the reasons I like her are the reasons we’re not married. It’s the opposite of the Groucho Marx joke…I desperately want to join any club that doesn’t want me as a member…and then have sex with everyone in that club.

Here’s my problem with finding someone new…It’s not that I’ve got to get to know someone else, because that’s actually great fun. People are funny, people are kind, people are interesting, and by interesting I mean want to have group sex. It’s that someone else has got to get to know me.

And time is running out. When she refused to marry me Celine was kind enough to write a 3600 word email explaining her rationale. Turns out I’m judgemental, I’m arrogant, I talk about our relationship on stage/in the blogg, and I suffocate those I care about (with love…she didn’t put that but that’s how I do it).

That’a lot of stuff. If I want to have a kid before I’m 40 I’ve only got  4 years to to work on hiding all that.

Plus I’m not judgmental she was 100% wrong on that.

If I do find find somebody else. I’m never going to trust that she knows the real me. Let’s say we’re in a relationship for 2 years are we we really going to know each other? I’ve had my microwave for six years and I still don’t know how it works, and I’m more complicated than that. (I have five separate power settings but it takes me a lot longer to defrost mince.)

The truth is I’ll never find someone who knows me that well, but then maybe that’s a blessing. If my relationship with Celine has taught me one thing it’s that the better you know me, the less you want to spend your life with me…so stand well back because I’m about to start proposing to large-breasted strangers and hoping for the best…who wants to be maid of honour?

Uptown Fogg

xx

Posted in News

Ferrell to star with R-dog Regan in ‘Untitled Fogg Project 2015’

I had an idea last night. An incredible idea. It’s for a political intrigue movie…kind of like House of  Cards only with Jokers wild. Then I made this mockup…becauze I’m the best at Photoshop

Fogg yourselves ragged

xx

Scotch Anyone?

Posted in News | Leave a comment

You get what you (hierarchy of) needs

Now I realise why I have trouble self-motivating...damn you science!

Now I realise why I have trouble self-motivating…damn you science!

Posted in News | Leave a comment

Tearing and Breaking (up the hairdressing industry)

How do I know I’m a genius?* Because sometimes the rich ripe golden fruit of my mind overflows from the basket of my work life and rolls seductively under the table of my actual life. Let me say this…It’s a veritable harvest festival of creativity in here right now. 
 
Like take for instance the e-mail to my hairdresser Ange below. Now a lot of people think booking a haircut is a simple affair. But i’s amazing how, with just a dab of creativity, seemingly simple transactions can be transformed into complex, emotional, powerful events which entice a new mother to leave her infant child unattended for much longer than necessary.
 
Am I revolutionising the hairdressing industry? YES.
 
(this post is largely to prove that I have enough hair to still need it professionally cut) 
 
 

This e-mail was sent 28.04.14
 
Ange, it’s getting oh so real on top of my head. A man in the street recently described me as ‘that young Phil Collins guy”
 
I’m pretty sure he was referring to the daring use of African Tribal Rhythm on my new concept album but he may also have been talking about my hair. (please see the attached recent pic of me for reference…and yes, that is my actual chest)
 
Just need to make sure there’s no further confusion, I better book in for a little snip ‘n’ shape. Can you fit me in?
 

Image

 
p.s. wow this e-mail just took on a life of it’s own. I really should update my Blogg, my awesome creativity is spilling out everywhere.
 
p.p.s. I hope everything is powerfully well with you and the tiny, joyful version of you that lives in your home.
 
Love fogg
xx

 

Incredible stuff..just incredible.

 

Fogging for Jamaica

xx

 

 

*Plus my mum told me I was a genius when I was seven so suck it UP IQ testing Authority!

Posted in News | Leave a comment

YES YOU CAN. (ALTHOUGH YOU DON’T)

I realise I only use the blog to write inspirational posts about how I’m going to really get it going from NOW. I like that as a blog idea. Thankfully it’s mine. In your MIDRIFT the internet.

Posted in News | Leave a comment

The Power of positive thinking

 

 

How to make Viral VideoYou know what I respect? Tenacity, conviction and any woman brave enough to get real with me.

That’s why I want to show you what IsaiahSmith311 has been working on. Kid is an online powerhouse for three obvious reasons:

1: Cuteness of a young Gary coleman

2: Fashion sense of a Paul Michael Glaser

3: Impressive claim to be a youtube sensation while clearly having no ability whatsoever. 142 views? in four years? Not even his brother is interested. But does he take that shit down? Hell no!

 

What chu’ talkin’ ’bout IsiahSmith311 ?

 

Fogg me from behind

xx

 

Posted in News | Leave a comment